First of all, I must admit, I have never gotten into the weeds of "realistic" sports games. And honestly, I blame Madden. Because American Football (lol), is simply not as conducive to good video game dynamics on the simulation level as say, climbing through the ranks in European footy. And Madden was the first and only shot I really gave them and promptly gave up on because it didn't have what I was looking for. But this is a whole rant for another day, I am really here to talk about the other end of this, which is that I am always delighted and baffled when I find out that professional sports games include goofy minor league teams.
LIKE MLB THE SHOW GAMES FEATURING AT LEAST FIVE OF THE TEAMS FEATURED IN THE LAST STELLAR SPORTS TEAM POST
www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8xpkOsIZAg
How many likes can our Boys in Biscuits get? I also know that you can play as my hometown Tri-City Americans in some hockey games. And these are like, fully fleshed out games, not geometric spreadsheets like the hardcore sim games. (No offense to those.) Basically, my fascination in sports-in-games and obscure sports folk continues to thrive with no real outlet. So let's try to calm my nerves with some more fantastic team names? And this time, we will be looking at all sorts of (bringing it full circle) American Football teams.
In the Canadian Football League, you can find some powerful auras. The Montreal Alouettes, named after a French working class ballad. The Toronto Argonauts, the longest unbroken usage of a team name in all of North America (1873!). And then you have the slew of attempts to get American teams in the CFL, including the Memphis Mad Dogs.
But at the very top, the tippidy top, lies another victim to the flagrant PC war that rages around us. That's right, no one talks about the Edmonton Football Team!
I mean... They don't have an interesting logo to show off, I just found it very funny that not one, but TWO Football team essentially defaulted on their racist loans this summer. Moving down south, I have to give props to what I think are three very endearing Liga de Fútbol Americano Profesional team names and logos.
The Dinos Saltillo remind me so much of my preschool with their fun colors and cute little stegosaurus getup. "The Dinos". Teehee.
Meanwhile the Raptors Naucalpan embrace the Jurassic Park threatening aesthetic, even going as far to include a very spooky and large eye on the helmet. But I love that R cutout, I really do.
And finally, I just think the Artilleros Puebla look clean as hell. (The name of the team is a tribute to the patriots that defeated the army of the Second French Empire at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. - Wikipedia)
Quick general sports history, but there are a lotof failed "professional" sports leagues in the world, and sometimes they tell beautiful stories in their design and downfall Like the singular season of the 2019 American West Football Conference, including my hometown shitting the bed, an extremely odd selection of cities, and one of the least hype playoff brackets of all time. I mean, I guess it makes sense that two perfect .500 teams should play one more game to see who plays the undefeated team... but damn, you couldn't get, like, Yakima to pitch in?
Ah god, once you get into these types of leagues, it's hard to get out. The teams themselves crop up and disappear even faster than the league. Let's start with the HIGHEST DENSITY OF Xs and Zs I HAVE EVER SEEN through the American Arena League (yes, including Arena is like cheating, shut up)
Carolina Hawkz (no internet record found)
Florigia Dawgz (what the fuck? no internet record found)
Ohio XPLOZION (Is... is wikipedia fucking with me?)
Georgia Doom
I feel like looking into these defunct football leagues is making me lose my mind. Like, these can't be real, right? The world can't produce that much football, can it?
I mean, that's kinda neat, the name is pretty radical, and the-
...beef? just.... beef?
fuck you. I need a break, there are so many more of these I need to parse through.
